"We don't need you wearing your arms out on the way to the stage." Damien rarely had a sense of humor like this, except when he was teaching. The seriousness of the guardian fell away for more of his personality.
"Do you feel ready to go across the lot to the restaurant?" The driving seemed a little less jerky than it had been at first.
"Across the lot? I think so..." Dee looked up. "But you're not going to make me try to drive this in a busy restaurant, are you? That's... probably a disaster waiting to happen..."
He could just imagine what happened if he hit a server, or a table, or other guests, or heaven forbid something really ridiculous like a tank full of lobsters...
"And by it... you mean kidding? As in... you got to be kidding?"
Ten or fifteen or however many minutes in a parking lot in someone else's chair was hardly enough experience to be seen in an actual public space. With real people. Real obstacles. Really embarrassing ways to fuck shit up.
"Well... Your security team is... highly skilled..." Dee stammered, albeit politely. "But I'd rather... um... avoid being publicly compared to a three year old in one of those Little Tykes cars."
He jerked as he accidentally made the chair lurch backwards.
"You can do it." Damien encouraged."Do you think bumping into someone in a restaurant will outshine any of the chaos the rest of them will cause today?"
That was the truth of it. Even when Damien had pulled a gun on someone in Time's Square it barely made a ruffle thanks to Aarne releasing hundreds of sex dolls full of helium into the city.
While Dee couldn't exactly argue with that point - that was truth of the highest caliber - it still didn't change the fact that he really didn't want to do it.
"It doesn't have to... to still be... more than I can deal with right now, okay?"
As made evident by the three point turn he was attempting to now execute in 18 jerky moves or less. 19 moves or less. 20...
Damien nodded as he watched but sighed. "I understand the fear. Jack and I are the leaders of a gang, in the middle of a gang war. The kid who owns this chair learned to navigate in hell, maybe she can help you get confident driving later?"
Damien was trying to be sympathetic and shifted because he knew to hold his tongue. Holding his tongue was not his strength. "If you're really too worried to do it yourself, there's a lever tucked under the arm below the joystick. Pulling it shifts the chair to manual. I can push it."
Dee gave up trying to make turning look smooth. He eventually stopped altogether, and just leaned forward, hands dangling between his thin legs. He looked up at the buses, now halfway across the lot, and back down again.
"Look, I know that compared to all of that... this is stupid. I have one of these coming. Not exactly like this, but still... a...a motorized chair. That everyone is going to see me in... probably for the rest of my life... that doesn't mean I have to like it... or want it..."
He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve.
"I'm... not hungry anymore."
He awkwardly climbed out of the chair. His legs were shaky, but he could still walk, damnit.
"Nobody wants this and nobody likes it. Nobody wants the shit their genetics drop on them." Damien is incredibly serious because, though healthy, Damien has his own genetic demons. "You're preaching to the choir and don't even realize it."
Damien stepped over and offered an arm. "Come on. Let's get breakfast. You're as bad as Jack and he's the person I'd call my brother." Which meant Dee had some leeway with the Dog that others just wouldn't get.
"Look... just... please take the chair back to Choko, I believe that's her name? Tell her I said thank you." He looked away, mumbling. "...but maybe skip all this part?"
He glanced back at the arm, but he didn't take it. Instead, he started walking back to the bus, under his own power.
"Skip what part?" Damien crossed his arms. "That I suggested she come cruise around in her chair with you so you could get better?"
Damien was used to this shit with Jack when they first met. "Where we're from they kill people like you, like her, as children because they are defective. You have no idea what seeing you as an adult in a wheelchair means to that little girl."
Damien would grab Dee if he started to fall but he walked slowly behind the singer. "That's why she agreed to let you use her chair because she's never seen someone make it to be an adult in a chair like hers."
Damien knew well that burden of having people look up to you. At first, Damien didn't want it either but now he wouldn't give up the pups for anything.
"No. I mean the part where I'm just not fucking ready for everyone to stare and automatically assume that I can't do this!" He gestured weakly to the fact that he was actually standing. And waking, albeit slowly and with a generous amount of effort. "Or... or anything else..."
His voice quieted as he listened to Damien talk about what he assumed was the harsh reality of gang life. He didn't know the real truth. But it was shocking, regardless.
And no, he had no idea what it meant to Choko to see him just being alive.
Granted, Dee's condition was different than her's. No one even noticed he was defective until he was halfway through his teens. It wasn't until he bolted at 18 that the timer, and the inevitable decline, really started. Some things, he'd accepted. But some things might always be a struggle.
"She... hasn't?" He stopped. "There really aren't any?"
"You're a rockstar. People already stare and make whatever assumptions they want no matter what you do." Damien sighed heavily to keep his mind clear and calm. "We have a whole book of assumptions people make of all of you to keep you all safe."
Not many knew that existed but rumors and assumptions could be dangerous. Damien came up beside Dee.
"Most children they consider defective are disposed of before their parents ever see them and the penalty for hiding one later is death." Damien wondered how much was safe to say and then frowned but the fact that Jack had three adopted children might mean something entirely different now. "Eugenics is the government policy."
"I get it. I know it sounds stupid. But rockstar assumptions are just... different... somehow."
There were a few that bothered him - like the rumors that he was a drug addict due to the needle marks in his arms prior to getting the port put in. But part of the image of the Prophet was that, despite his frail appearance, he was powerful and not to be underestimated.
Dee didn't feel very much like the Prophet right now.
"This... kind of thing..." he gestured to the chair not all that far behind him, "it just... it makes me really anxious sometimes... and I'm not even from a country where disabilities are, holy shit, illegal..."
God, he hoped they'd never have to play a concert in their hometown...
Damien scoffed because that was ridiculous given Dee lived so close to Rekker. His health was always all over everything. "You're not even the one on this tour whose health is brought up the most. Not even close."
Rekker, Davy, Tom, Ziggy, all the drug addicts and alcoholics, some of the new people Damien didn't have straight yet. Still it was the attitude that prodded at Damien. He's grateful in the moment that Martyn and Rekker had been helping him manage his internal environment.
"It's alright being anxious about change." Damien stopped beside him. "It's not alright to shit on me for offering my expertise to ensure you succeed. I taught a kid to navigate a war zone, if you want to learn that kind of confidence, you know where to find me."
Walking away was what Damien had learned from the others and he was about to disengage from the conversation.
It probably was ridiculous to someone like Damien, even if it made perfect sense inside Dee's own head. Unfortunately, Dee couldn't even begin to fathom the point of view that Damien was coming from, even when he wasn't already worked up like this.
"And you know where to find Choko." He spat unintentionally harshly, before his tone softened again. "Please... just make sure that gets back to her... and nothing happens to it."
That, he meant with the utmost sincerity. The last thing he wanted was for her chair to meet the same fate his old one did. It hurt to know he was disappointing the girl. But the only thing he wanted to do right now was run the fuck away. (Or whatever version of that he could physically manage.)
To Dee's credit, sheer will and stubbornness did get him back to the busses before his legs gave out on him.
He landed sideways on the bus steps, which, honestly, was fine. He didn't give a fuck about the bruise his hip would probably be sporting for the next week. This was fine. He was fine. He was technically ON the bus, even if he wasn't IN the bus. He didn't need help. He didn't want help. Period.
Damien was done. "You tell her. I'm not the one that left her chair in the middle of the lot."
He was about to walk away when he saw Dee fall and as much as he wanted to talk away. He desperately wanted to walk away but he couldn't just leave him on the stairs for a drunk to step on.
He came over and offered a hand. "Come on, get up before the rowdy drunks step on you when they wake up."
"I didn't BRING it here in the first place! That... that was all you!" He spat back.
He honestly didn't know where to even find her. If Damien's intention was to pick him up, and put him back in the chair, Dee would fight back. (Pathetically, mind you. And probably fail. It was a fight he already knew he couldn't win. But he would fight back.)
He meant it when he insisted, "Just leave me alone."
"Because it's my job to make sure everyone here is safe." He motioned at the prone form on the stairs. "...thankfully Aarne picked up the slack last time."
Damien held his hand there and scowled. "And what, hear shit from Jay that I left his fiance half hanging out the bus like a ragdoll?"
Damien took a deep breath. "Just take my hand and stop acting like the idiot that is still standing here is going to walk away because you told me to." Damien rolled his eyes. "You probably think I haven't dealt with the just leave me here to suffer shit either... sorry, Rekker beat you to that too."
Half hanging out was a bit of a stretch. Maybe, if Dee reached out his hand, he could claim a part of him was in the bus. But that was generous. This was only the bottom step.
"Just... return... her fucking chair." He shouted breathily.
"I'm just resting... for a few minutes..." He insisted, knowing full well he was lying. He couldn't even get up those steps on a good day. He'd been working with Minoru on that for weeks and progress was painfully slow. He wasn't sure if there was any progress even happening at all. "If I haven't... gotten back on the bus... by the time you get back... then fine! You can help! But fucking give me that!!"
Damien pulled his hand back and crossed his arms. "No, I am not telling that little girl who looks up to you that you're too fucking .. whatever this is... to use the thing that gives you both independence."
That was the truth and then he let out a heavy breath. "I'd like to go back to bed with my boyfriend if we aren't getting food but unfortunately..." he motioned at Dee. "... there's someone in my way that doesn't want to move."
"Then tell her that you're too... whatever THAT is... to stop and ask if I wanted any help in the first place!"
He doubled down, because this too, was true. "I didn't even want to go out! You're the one who convinced me to try even though I was fucking terrified! And I did, all right? I did! I didn't have to, but I tried and I... I just... I can't think about it anymore right now! But you won't take no for a fucking answer!"
This wasn't Hunger City. This wasn't a life or death situation, but Damien was making it feel like one.
Damien went quiet and stared down at Dee. "You're right. I can't stop because I'm head of security."
If Dee wanted to double down then Damien wasn't going to back away. "All I can fucking think about is what if Aarne was too drunk or busy fucking Joe to be a busybody texting everyone and we lost something more important than your fucking chair in that bar."
Damien rarely raised his voice but the incredible stress inside was getting to him. "Unfortunately, it seems, it is my job to make sure you are all safe even when you're damned thorns in my ass about it."
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mmmag
For Dee
Date: 2024-06-25 02:01 am (UTC)"We don't need you wearing your arms out on the way to the stage." Damien rarely had a sense of humor like this, except when he was teaching. The seriousness of the guardian fell away for more of his personality.
"Do you feel ready to go across the lot to the restaurant?" The driving seemed a little less jerky than it had been at first.
Re: For Dee
Date: 2024-06-25 02:51 am (UTC)He could just imagine what happened if he hit a server, or a table, or other guests, or heaven forbid something really ridiculous like a tank full of lobsters...
Re: For Dee
Date: 2024-06-27 09:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-06-27 10:20 pm (UTC)"And by it... you mean kidding? As in... you got to be kidding?"
Ten or fifteen or however many minutes in a parking lot in someone else's chair was hardly enough experience to be seen in an actual public space. With real people. Real obstacles. Really embarrassing ways to fuck shit up.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 01:21 pm (UTC)Damien shrugged. "I train people to do things more complicated than this all the time."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 04:38 pm (UTC)He jerked as he accidentally made the chair lurch backwards.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 10:11 pm (UTC)That was the truth of it. Even when Damien had pulled a gun on someone in Time's Square it barely made a ruffle thanks to Aarne releasing hundreds of sex dolls full of helium into the city.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 10:30 pm (UTC)"It doesn't have to... to still be... more than I can deal with right now, okay?"
As made evident by the three point turn he was attempting to now execute in 18 jerky moves or less. 19 moves or less. 20...
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 10:41 pm (UTC)Damien was trying to be sympathetic and shifted because he knew to hold his tongue. Holding his tongue was not his strength. "If you're really too worried to do it yourself, there's a lever tucked under the arm below the joystick. Pulling it shifts the chair to manual. I can push it."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 11:09 pm (UTC)"Look, I know that compared to all of that... this is stupid. I have one of these coming. Not exactly like this, but still... a...a motorized chair. That everyone is going to see me in... probably for the rest of my life... that doesn't mean I have to like it... or want it..."
He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve.
"I'm... not hungry anymore."
He awkwardly climbed out of the chair. His legs were shaky, but he could still walk, damnit.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 11:24 pm (UTC)Damien stepped over and offered an arm. "Come on. Let's get breakfast. You're as bad as Jack and he's the person I'd call my brother." Which meant Dee had some leeway with the Dog that others just wouldn't get.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 11:40 pm (UTC)He glanced back at the arm, but he didn't take it. Instead, he started walking back to the bus, under his own power.
"I'm really not hungry anymore."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-28 11:52 pm (UTC)Damien was used to this shit with Jack when they first met. "Where we're from they kill people like you, like her, as children because they are defective. You have no idea what seeing you as an adult in a wheelchair means to that little girl."
Damien would grab Dee if he started to fall but he walked slowly behind the singer. "That's why she agreed to let you use her chair because she's never seen someone make it to be an adult in a chair like hers."
Damien knew well that burden of having people look up to you. At first, Damien didn't want it either but now he wouldn't give up the pups for anything.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-29 02:13 am (UTC)His voice quieted as he listened to Damien talk about what he assumed was the harsh reality of gang life. He didn't know the real truth. But it was shocking, regardless.
And no, he had no idea what it meant to Choko to see him just being alive.
Granted, Dee's condition was different than her's. No one even noticed he was defective until he was halfway through his teens. It wasn't until he bolted at 18 that the timer, and the inevitable decline, really started. Some things, he'd accepted. But some things might always be a struggle.
"She... hasn't?" He stopped. "There really aren't any?"
Adults like her, he meant.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 12:30 am (UTC)Not many knew that existed but rumors and assumptions could be dangerous. Damien came up beside Dee.
"Most children they consider defective are disposed of before their parents ever see them and the penalty for hiding one later is death." Damien wondered how much was safe to say and then frowned but the fact that Jack had three adopted children might mean something entirely different now. "Eugenics is the government policy."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 12:15 pm (UTC)There were a few that bothered him - like the rumors that he was a drug addict due to the needle marks in his arms prior to getting the port put in. But part of the image of the Prophet was that, despite his frail appearance, he was powerful and not to be underestimated.
Dee didn't feel very much like the Prophet right now.
"This... kind of thing..." he gestured to the chair not all that far behind him, "it just... it makes me really anxious sometimes... and I'm not even from a country where disabilities are, holy shit, illegal..."
God, he hoped they'd never have to play a concert in their hometown...
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 01:14 pm (UTC)Rekker, Davy, Tom, Ziggy, all the drug addicts and alcoholics, some of the new people Damien didn't have straight yet. Still it was the attitude that prodded at Damien. He's grateful in the moment that Martyn and Rekker had been helping him manage his internal environment.
"It's alright being anxious about change." Damien stopped beside him. "It's not alright to shit on me for offering my expertise to ensure you succeed. I taught a kid to navigate a war zone, if you want to learn that kind of confidence, you know where to find me."
Walking away was what Damien had learned from the others and he was about to disengage from the conversation.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 02:15 pm (UTC)"And you know where to find Choko." He spat unintentionally harshly, before his tone softened again. "Please... just make sure that gets back to her... and nothing happens to it."
That, he meant with the utmost sincerity. The last thing he wanted was for her chair to meet the same fate his old one did. It hurt to know he was disappointing the girl. But the only thing he wanted to do right now was run the fuck away. (Or whatever version of that he could physically manage.)
To Dee's credit, sheer will and stubbornness did get him back to the busses before his legs gave out on him.
He landed sideways on the bus steps, which, honestly, was fine. He didn't give a fuck about the bruise his hip would probably be sporting for the next week. This was fine. He was fine. He was technically ON the bus, even if he wasn't IN the bus. He didn't need help. He didn't want help. Period.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 02:22 pm (UTC)He was about to walk away when he saw Dee fall and as much as he wanted to talk away. He desperately wanted to walk away but he couldn't just leave him on the stairs for a drunk to step on.
He came over and offered a hand. "Come on, get up before the rowdy drunks step on you when they wake up."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 02:30 pm (UTC)He honestly didn't know where to even find her. If Damien's intention was to pick him up, and put him back in the chair, Dee would fight back. (Pathetically, mind you. And probably fail. It was a fight he already knew he couldn't win. But he would fight back.)
He meant it when he insisted, "Just leave me alone."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 02:43 pm (UTC)Damien held his hand there and scowled. "And what, hear shit from Jay that I left his fiance half hanging out the bus like a ragdoll?"
Damien took a deep breath. "Just take my hand and stop acting like the idiot that is still standing here is going to walk away because you told me to." Damien rolled his eyes. "You probably think I haven't dealt with the just leave me here to suffer shit either... sorry, Rekker beat you to that too."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 02:53 pm (UTC)"Just... return... her fucking chair." He shouted breathily.
"I'm just resting... for a few minutes..." He insisted, knowing full well he was lying. He couldn't even get up those steps on a good day. He'd been working with Minoru on that for weeks and progress was painfully slow. He wasn't sure if there was any progress even happening at all. "If I haven't... gotten back on the bus... by the time you get back... then fine! You can help! But fucking give me that!!"
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 03:09 pm (UTC)That was the truth and then he let out a heavy breath. "I'd like to go back to bed with my boyfriend if we aren't getting food but unfortunately..." he motioned at Dee. "... there's someone in my way that doesn't want to move."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 03:43 pm (UTC)He doubled down, because this too, was true. "I didn't even want to go out! You're the one who convinced me to try even though I was fucking terrified! And I did, all right? I did! I didn't have to, but I tried and I... I just... I can't think about it anymore right now! But you won't take no for a fucking answer!"
This wasn't Hunger City. This wasn't a life or death situation, but Damien was making it feel like one.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-30 03:58 pm (UTC)If Dee wanted to double down then Damien wasn't going to back away. "All I can fucking think about is what if Aarne was too drunk or busy fucking Joe to be a busybody texting everyone and we lost something more important than your fucking chair in that bar."
Damien rarely raised his voice but the incredible stress inside was getting to him. "Unfortunately, it seems, it is my job to make sure you are all safe even when you're damned thorns in my ass about it."
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